SUNDAY 12TH NOVEMBER 2017
Hi there. Well not a lot has happened really apart from Dorothy still continues to leak on occasion, it's quite amusing because often we think that Kyle or Toby has had a poo in their nappy then we realise that I am the one that smells! Well Dorothy actually. If I am travelling to Yorkshire with Kyle and we stop at the services to change Dottie, he has an awful habit of coming out of the bathroom with me and announcing that Dorothy or Dorothea as he calls her, has done a big poo. I assume people think I am Dorothea and just one awful Mum!
Dorothy has been quite sore at times and on overdrive so I am going through so many bags a day. Again, thank goodness for the NHS, I feel so lucky to have all of Dorothy's kit sent to me every few weeks. That is if I remember to order it! I am hopeless for forgetting to order it but the company is really good in that they get in touch with me when I am due to order. It's become a way of life as though I have always had Dorothy and it has become less and less that I think of her or remember that I have her. One of the moments recently when I did become very aware of her was when I went to do some training; there were 18 of us altogether and it was the first of our training sessions. Everyone was very quiet with not knowing one another and not knowing what to expect from the session. It took me an hour and a half to get to the training and all the way there I was thinking about the training session. I thought about if there would be some ice breakers and if I should during my part of the ice breakers bring up the fact that I have a colostomy that farts loudly a lot with no warning. I'd hate for someone to be touching on something sensitive and Dorothy lets out an enormous rumble! I decided that I would tell the group during my ice breaker, so that was that.
Well we started the training session and to my horror we didn't do any ice breakers, I think it is the only training I have ever been to where there hasn't been anything. I wondered several times if I could add Dottie into the conversation but there wasn't really that kind of an opening. I don't really know what an opening for Dorothy would be like to be honest. Anyway, Dorothy then started to fart, not too loudly but so that each of the people either side of me could hear it. We did what the British do and pretended like it didn't happen though to be fair someone was spewing their heart out so it would have been rude to have said anything and looked like we were being ignorant. So, we got to the end of the training session and Dorothy hadn't been mentioned. It gets to the point then where it is difficult to say anything but I will have this training for the next ten weeks so I feel I need to say something. That is when it is difficult having Dorothy and I swear she knows when I really need her to be quiet because that is always the time when she farts out loud.
I've also upped the amount of places where I change Dorothy's bag but still find myself explaining myself to people in certain instances. One of these was when I was at a Mencap dinner and disco with Mandy and Dez. It is held in a hotel and is a really good night and both young women love these discos that happen about every other month. Anyway, we were at the disco and after dinner I needed to go to change Dorothy. I went off to the disability loo and changed her, with plenty of room to move about and get sorted. As I came out of the toilet there was someone in a wheelchair waiting to use the bathroom and I felt so embarrassed and found myself lifting my top to show her and her support my colostomy so they knew I wasn't just randomly using the disability bathroom. They both looked at me like I was slightly unhinged and I sidled await feeling stupid and foolish.
Nick and I managed to go over to Yorkshire and have a night with my daughter Abi and her partner Dean which was lovely. Kyle and Toby were at the hospice on respite which they love as they get spoiled rotten.We went for a curry with Abi and Dean along with Deans family so a great night was had by all. The curry was amazing too but alas, Dorothy and curry don't see eye to eye and as we left the restaurant Dorothy exploded and I had to hurriedly go and change her. I suffered all night and even the next day I still felt delicate. It's really hard as there are a few foods that I love but Dorothy doesn't. I just can't refuse a damn good curry though. The next day we went over to my Mama's house where we did some painting and decorating and stayed a night before heading off back home.
So, that's it really, not a lot to report but then I suppose I can't be jetting off to Jamaica every month, oh I wish...........a lottery win would be good but then I am happy with my life as it is and feel very lucky. Stay happy folks, I will be back when there is something to tell. xx
SUNDAY 10TH DECEMBER 2017
Hi there, sorry I haven't been in touch for ages but life goes so quickly and to be honest life just plods on. It is now the run down to Christmas and the little ones aren't coping with Kyle asking if it is Christmas every two minutes and of course every where around us there's Christmas parties (one we have just been to today), Christmas films on TV, practise for he school nativity and so on. Kyle is a Shepherd in the nativity and God was I delighted when I saw a Shepherd outfit for sale in Sainsburys, it was like all of my Christmases cone at once. He looks adorable in it and has two words to say in the nativity, 'Let's Go'. His support asked Nick very discreetly if there was any way to stop him from talking the rest of the time he wasn't saying his two words so we are talking 45 minutes. We told her that if she finds a way to PLEASE let us know!!
We have been shopping, visiting my Mama in Yorkshire, entertaining the boys and generally been just really busy. I don't just Christmas shop for us and our friends but for Kyle, Toby, Mandy and Dezni. I'm organising menu's for Christmas day and New Years Eve and wrapping presents and writing cards and then I ma busy calling Nick every name under the sun, so any men are rubbish at Christmas. I think Nick has written 3 cards and wrapped a handful of presents but then there is a huge part of me that wishes I as like that and just let Christmas go with a handful of presents and that's it.
We have a lot of Christmas parties to go to....................well I say a lot, I'm just trying to sound popular; actually most things we have been to have been for the boys so far or for Mandy and Dezni. We do have three though at the end of next week and I know I will need to take loads of Dorothy kit with me. I have met with friends over the last few weeks for dinner and drinks and each time Dorothy has been a nightmare. On one meal out she exploded literally and my friend who is gorgeous was lovely and pretended she couldn't smell anything but OMG, when I went to sort Dorothy out in the loo it was impossible to sort her. There was, sorry to be very blunt, but shit everywhere. I was actually wearing a skirt, tights and top and as I took my tights down a huge lump of poo fell out for them. I was covered and it took ages trying to clean myself up. So I could drink I had walked down to the pub and I at that moment realised that I would have to walk home smelling of poo. There was no way I was going to sit in Sandy's car smelling of poo! This happened on twp ties when I was out with friends and my bag has leaked on numerous occasions so I am quite worried about going out over Christmas. I will definitely not be wearing white that's for sure!!
I had my flu jab about two weeks ago and then soon after got the symptoms of flu and felt so rough. Today I have really bad stomach cramps and have a very upset stomach, life in the fast lane. My Dorothy bags are just like dirty water and stink and I feel low with it. I really hope that I feel so much better when I go out on Christmas do's. It's one of those things though and I look back to how I was before and actually carrying Dorothy kit around with me is much better than carrying around a whole change of clothes with me and having no control over what happens. I do find it hard at times and I cannot wear anything fitted with Dorothy but then I cannot wear anything fitted with my big tummy! I've been working on getting my weight down adn have been doing okay as I am walking a lot more and mucking out the horses every day so I am exercising. I am determined to lose weight and be much lighter next year.
On 19th December I am having several teeth out or should that be stumps where teeth used to be. Over the years I have had a lot of chemo and this weakens your teeth. When I went into hospital for my colostomy and went to theatre, the managed to knock out two teeth that were obviously loose but all the same. Anyway I have finally seen the dentist about them and they cannot have crowns or anything and I need four teeth r roots of teeth removing and will have a bridging plate put in. I am gutted but determined to do it as I hate having a gap in my mouth where teeth should be. It does feel never ending though. I am having all off the treatment don on 19th December and maybe I will be the only person that loses weight over Christmas because it's too painful to eat!!
Dorothy and I are well acquainted now and she definitely feels like a part of me but t's been a long tough journey, I feel lucky to be who I am but also feel like I get more than my fair share of crap. Then when I compare it to others, all over the world, I feel lucky to be able to whinge about such trivial stuff. When I look at my journey with Dorothy I feel proud of how far I have come with her and of how there is nothing that I cannot do now. When I look back over the last few months since I had Dorothy I look at all of the things I have done and I feel proud. The boys see it as the norm for Mummy to have a Dorothea and Kyle knows what Dorothea needs and how to deal with her. W ecan laugh when she farts loudly and Kyle since he watched BFG now knows that she's whizz popping.
So basically, the life lesson for the year 2017 is to not take life too seriously, to know that things change rapidly and that what worries us one day becomes the norm the next day. We are more resilient than we imagine and stronger than we can ever think. Sometimes we just need to go with the flow and not take life too seriously and then we can just cope at best.
If I don't manage to catch up before Christmas, have a good one and remember, SHIT happens but it's not the end of the world. Love and Peace to all xxx
29th January 2018
Gosh so where did all of that time go?! Happy new year and all of that. Christmas came and went and was lovely but over far too quickly, almost as though it never happened at all. I missed having the eldest two at home for Christmas but we still had a lovely time and Kyle really understood about Father Christmas and was so excited.
The rich Christmas food played havoc with Dorothy and so I had fun and games with her, constantly changing bags and feeling sore too; occasionally she blisters around the open wound and that is very sore. I try to do time without my bag on her, just to get some air to her but I'm sorry to say that Dorothy can be a real dirty bitch and will often decide to poo when she doesn't have a bag on; not nice. The other day I went in the bath and sure enough she pooed so I had to get out of the bath pretty sharp, clean out the bath then have a shower!! It was like bathing the children, Kyle has taken to doing a poo in the bath and it's infuriating but then I don't feel like I can be cross with him because Dorothy does it!
At Christmas I told Nick that I had booked for us to go to Jamaica for a week in February, having booked the boys into the hospice, he is thrilled and was very surprised, he kept asking me if I was plying a sick joke on him as it's the kind of thing that I would do! I've been trying to lose some weight before we go and have managed to lose some but want to lose more. The problem is I don't have huge amounts of time to exercise which is crazy. I've been doing lots of walking and have watched what I eat though not massively. I have a fit bit and that spurs me on for getting my steps in each day and I love going walking with the dogs. It's weird but I'm not bothered about how Dorothy looks when I wear a bikini, I am more bothered about how I look! I just want to be more toned up. Dorothy is what she is.
I have really got used to having Dorothy in my life and most of the time I don't really think about her. It's mostly when I am going somewhere special and I worry if she will leak which she has done quite a lot of. I still fall for the old 'there's a smell, one of the boys must need a nappy change or the dog is farting and then I realise that actually it is me! That is on a good day, some days I don't smell her as I have a really bad sense of smell and it's not until I go to the loo that I see she is a mess.I become so blase about her that I even forget to take Dorothy's kit out with me so I now have some supplies permanently in my handbag which just seems to get fuller by the day.
Going abroad will be difficult again, taking all of my medical supplies through customs and explaining and having Dorothy swabbed possibly. Then there is the constantly finding somewhere to change my bags wherever we go and going out on the boat in Jamaica was a bit of a nightmare but hey, it's all doable. Everyone is so supportive and that helps massively and few people even remember I have Dorothy now, it really is un-noticeable unless I wear something figure hugging which with my tummy ain't going to happen anyway. I do watch what I wear because white clothes can be dodgy if Dorothy is having a leaky day and if I wear things that are a thin material then you can see the outline of Dorothy but overall she rarely blights my life now.
I told Dorothy on New Years eve that this year is going to be our year, we will be stopped by nothing and so far I have the holiday with Nick to Jamaica that I am really excited about then I am doing a Skydive for Muscular Dystrophy UK then I am going on a cruise with my dear friend Roley and I have so much planned already. I am looking into walking the three peaks again for Muscular Dystrophy UK and I want to do more things that make me feel alive.
I've nothing much to report now really as life has settled down but now I have said that I am sure something will crop up to stir life up. Watch this space!! Make sure you smile every day and do something outrageous at least once a week xxx